just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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