When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
