His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
