i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
