so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
