You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
tell me about the eggs
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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