i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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