You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
