The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
