How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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