I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
