Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
