i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
