when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
