life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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