For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
