I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
3 2 1 whiskey
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize