She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
