I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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