Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
