How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
