smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
