I hate all girls vehemently.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
