it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
