Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize