i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
