i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize