We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
