you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
