yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it because I queefed?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
