Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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