I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
