Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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