He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
