She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
