swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
