I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize