she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
