Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
