if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
