Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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