I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
