Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
