There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
