Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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