and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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