Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
