His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
