Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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