Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
