eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
