You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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