I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
