we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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