Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize