cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
