In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
