it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
