He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
