The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
