i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
