Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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