just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
They left me at home... I'm a liability
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
