Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
